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← Revision 3 as of 2018-11-10 07:57:53 ⇥
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| 4. Why did the stoplight turn red? Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was AMAZING. |
4. Why did the stoplight turn red? Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the traffic. 5. I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was AMAZING. 6. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke, joooooooooooooke. 7. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So that when they return to port, then can Scandinavian. 8. 6:30 is hands down the best time of day. 10. What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them? NeeeeeOOOooowwwww! 11. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C. |
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| 6. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke, joooooooooooooke. |
12. Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? All that was left was de Brie. |
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| via chucklesnatas | 13. A guy strikes up a conversation with a lumberjack that he meets in a bar. "How many trees do you think you've chopped down?" the guy asks. "Exactly 2,742," the lumberjack replies. "How do you know?" "Because every time I chop one down, I keep a log." |
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| ADVERTISEMENT | 14. A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. 15. Justice is a dish best served cold. Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater. 16. I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. |
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VH1 Share Pin 7. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So that when they return to port, then can Scandinavian. via artisanpartisan 8. 6:30 is hands down the best time of day. via jonpab2 9. What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans. And if those are dirty, they just wear a paranormal trousers. via HomieApathy ADVERTISEMENT |
17. I was eating at a restaurant when the waiter came to my table and said, "I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?" I said, "Why would I want two empty glasses?" |
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| 18. I saved up money for months to buy a limited-edition thesaurus. But when I opened it, all the pages were blank! I have no words to describe how angry I am. |
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| IFC Share Pin 10. What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them? NeeeeeOOOooowwwww! |
19.What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt." |
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| via MinnOwen | 20. Why do fish live in salt water? Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze. |
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| 11. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C. via SisypheanBalls 12. Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? All that was left was de Brie. via PointsPrizes ADVERTISEMENT Universal Share Pin 13. A guy strikes up a conversation with a lumberjack that he meets in a bar. "How many trees do you think you've chopped down?" the guy asks. "Exactly 2,742," the lumberjack replies. "How do you know?" "Because every time I chop one down, I keep a log." via TF79870 14. A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. via porichoygupto 15. Justice is a dish best served cold. Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater. via Spider_Dimwit ADVERTISEMENT TBS Share Pin 16. I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. via porichoygupto 17. I was eating at a restaurant when the waiter came to my table and said, "I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?" I said, "Why would I want two empty glasses?" via madazzahatter 18. I saved up money for months to buy a limited-edition thesaurus. But when I opened it, all the pages were blank! I have no words to describe how angry I am. via kiwibrandon ADVERTISEMENT BBC Share Pin 19. What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt." via devnodegree 20. Why do fish live in salt water? Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze. via maxterchief99 More like this: View Comments ADVERTISEMENT Australia Might Be Deporting A Man Back To North Korea “It Has Destroyed The Town": A Wildfire Has Forced Tens Of Thousands To Flee In Northern California An Instagram Video Shows The Inside Of The Thousand Oaks Bar When 12 People Were Killed University Students In Thousand Oaks Say Their Play About Columbine Must Go On Despite The Mass Shooting 26 Kitchen Products You'll Actually Use, I Promise Only People With Great Eyesight Will Be Able To Find The Hidden Details In These 8 Pictures ADVERTISEMENT Only Real Nerds Can Get Pass This Vocabulary Test Geoffrey Rush May Never Work Again And Is Seeking "Millions" In Damages, Court Hears Politicians Are Worried About Why Australians Are So Tired All The Time You Haven't Heard About The Migrant Caravan Lately? Here's What It's Been Up To. A Court Blocked A Law That Would Have Outlawed The High-Capacity Magazine Used By The Thousand Oaks Shooter 11 Celebrity Throwback Posts You Need To See From This Week ADVERTISEMENT 29 Cleaning Products Under $10 That Are Surprisingly Effective "I Want Gun Control": A Mother Whose Son Died In The Thousand Oaks Shooting Doesn't Want Your Thoughts And Prayers Jimmy Kimmel Asked People On The Street About Kid Rock Winning A Senate Race, He Didn't Trump’s Relations With Other Nations Are Not Likely To Change After The Midterms Eat At Panera To Reveal Where You Should Travel Next 17 Hilarious Tweets About The "Riverdale" Flashback Episode ADVERTISEMENT We Know What You Learned From Your Last Relationship Based On Your Ex's Birth Month We Left Work In The Middle Of The Day To Find The Central Park Mandarin Duck The Trump Administration Is Taking New Steps To Stop Migrants From Seeking Asylum 21 Products That Will Make You Say, "I'll Take Two Please!" People On Reddit Are Sharing The Weirdest Things They've Done With Their Partners And It's Perfect 23 Times "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" Was Relatable AF ADVERTISEMENT Buy School Supplies At Target And We’ll Guess What Your Favorite Food Is 26 Hilarious Tweets You'll Only Laugh At If You Have A Messed Up Sense Of Humor This Australian Guy Rescued A Sea Turtle And It Will Bring Joy To Your Heart These Are The Models Making Their Victoria's Secret Show Debut In 2018 Amazon Employees Aren’t Happy With How Execs Just Addressed Concerns Over Cops Using Its Facial Recognition Tech Hope You're Horny, Because Lelo Is Having A Sex Toy Sale And It's Up To 50% Off! BuzzFeed Home Sitemap © 2018 BuzzFeed, Inc. Share Pin |
1. The doctor's chart said my blood was type-A, but that was a type-O.
2. What do you do if you see a fireman?
- Put it out, man.
3. A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender, "What's the deal with the meat?" The bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, you must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
4. Why did the stoplight turn red? Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the traffic.
5. I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was AMAZING.
6. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke, joooooooooooooke.
7. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So that when they return to port, then can Scandinavian.
8. 6:30 is hands down the best time of day.
10. What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them? NeeeeeOOOooowwwww!
11. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
12. Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? All that was left was de Brie.
13. A guy strikes up a conversation with a lumberjack that he meets in a bar.
- "How many trees do you think you've chopped down?" the guy asks. "Exactly 2,742," the lumberjack replies. "How do you know?" "Because every time I chop one down, I keep a log."
14. A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
15. Justice is a dish best served cold. Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater.
16. I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they were.
- It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
17. I was eating at a restaurant when the waiter came to my table and said, "I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?"
- I said, "Why would I want two empty glasses?"
18. I saved up money for months to buy a limited-edition thesaurus. But when I opened it, all the pages were blank!
- I have no words to describe how angry I am.
19.What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt."
20. Why do fish live in salt water? Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.
...